A Hellsing Christmas, or everyone gets drunk
by Shivvy
Summary: The Iscariot and Hellsing are forced to spend Christmas together to help further goodwill between the two organizations. The most classic of fanfic plot devices get their own story in this silly extra multi pairing fic.
1. chapter one

Summary:

The Iscariot and Hellsing are forced to spend Christmas together to help further goodwill between the two organizations. The most classic of fanfic plot devices get their own story in this silly **extra** multi pairing fic.

Genre: Humor/"romance"/parody. To be taken with a pinch of holiday cheer.

Warnings: This fic should be fairly light on spoilers (mangaverse) and just about everything else. So PG-13 will most likely do to cover my wandering mind.

A.N on pairings: This is my attempt to do something totally original and wacky. The first few chapters will be our "set-up" of sorts, but the endings it what should really make it shine. Yes I said ending**s**. This story has a ton of extra endings planned for most every possible outcome. If there is a pairing you would like to see get an ending (romantic or not) just suggest it in a review! I'm goin' all out for this.

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Integra sat at her desk, chewing angrily on her cigar as she stared at the memo sitting on her desk.

-

Dear Sir Integra Wingates Hellsing,

It has come to our attention that the hostile "incidents" between the Hellsing organization and the Vatican's Section XIII Iscariot have been on the rise of late.

In these times it has been agreed upon that these two like minded institutes should start to settle their differences and learn to co-operate together.

In the spirit of the season we have sent a formal request for the Iscariot to pay a visit this Christmas to Hellsing in the interest of improving relations. The Pope graciously accepted and has since informed the members of Iscariot of their invitation.

We would like you to know this is not merely a request, but an order that your groups get along with each other for the entirety of December twenty-fourth and twenty-fifth. Please begin making arrangements for the Iscariot's stay as soon as possible.

Happy Holidays,

Elizabeth Alexandra Mary II - Queen of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland

-

Integra read over the letter for a third time, her knuckles beginning to turn white as the corners of the paper crinkled under the pressure of her grip.

She closed her eyes, forcing herself to lay the document on her desk before taking a few deep breaths.

_"Walter!"_ she shouted in a tone that clearly indicated the Hellsing heir's state or ire.

The aged butler was almost instantly poking his head through the door, quite used to being on call for whatever his lady needed.

"Do you need something Sir Integra?" he asked with the slightest tinge of humor in his voice that made it quite obvious he knew what this was about.

"Are you aware of her majesties' _request_ for this holiday season?" Integra asked, taking a calming drag off her cigar.

"Ah yes, I take it you mean the little get together she plans for us to have?" he asked casually, ignoring with practiced ease Integra's barely suppressed fury.

"Yes Walter, _that_ one." her eyes twitched slightly, "I take it you can take care of the preparations?" Integra was not a social creature by nature, and the last thing she needed weighing on her already full load was the task of planning a "party".

"I've already started making arrangements," he assured her. It had been a long time since

Hellsing had done much to celebrate Christmas, and he was quite happy at the prospect; even if they were to spend it with Iscariot. But when life gives you lemons...

"Good." she said simply, shuffling a stack of papers from one side of her desk to the other. Even with her more than capable manservant on the job, the thought Christmas with that warthog did not exactly sound like her idea of fun.

"What would you like to do with Sir Alucard?" Walter asked casually, that hint of mirth back in his voice.

Integra arched one eyebrow as she thought about it. God knows what would happen if they tried to put Alucard in close proximity with any member of section XIII and told them to play nice.

The corner of her mouth twisted up as she considered her options. At the very least his presence would keep Iscariot's young leader in check. She resisted the urge to tent her fingers and cackle as she wondered how much she could allow Alucard to threaten him, but still keep it in the boundaries of their forced truce.

"Oh I don't know. Get him a Santa hat and make him and Seras help you with the decorations. I'll make sure he behaves." she almost laughed at the thought, thinking this would be a nice opportunity to torture her servant as well.

"As you wish Sir Integra," he said with a slight bow before taking his leave. His mind was busy with thoughts of the things he could do to make this gathering a success. The one thing for sure was that one way or another, this was going to be one hell of a Christmas.

"You weren't serious about the Santa hat, where you master?" Alucard asked playfully as he slipped through the wall to her right.

Integra's smirk found its way back to her lips "You keep eavesdropping and I might be."

The vampire's mind whirled busily, wicked possibilities filling his head. "Does this mean the Judas priest is going to be here?" he asked with barely contained glee at the prospect.

She glanced at the letter; it said the Iscariot organization, which meant _all_ of them presumably.

"I believe it does, which means you are going to have to control yourself." she said in a voice that promised dark things if he didn't.

"Yes master. I promise there will be no maiming done by me during your gathering." he said with an exaggerated bow. There were still plenty of things he could do that didn't involve too much overt violence.

"Although I can't promise the same from him!" he said with a dark cackle as he phased back through the wall. God he loved Christmas.

"Alucard," the blonde growled as she stamped her cigar out in her crystal ashtray. The thought of the barmy priest and either of her pets near him did not bode well at _all_. Poor Seras would likely be frightened to death.

With another tiny growl she shook her head and attempted to turn her attention back to the stack of documents on her desk. God she hated Christmas.

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Drop me a review and tell me what you thought of this start. And again I say, if there is anything you want to see in this story, just ask!


	2. chapter two

The smell of fresh evergreen permeated the Hellsing manor on this cool December night. A great rustling and much cursing could be heard from the great hall as a battle of man versus nature was raging at its finest.

"No to the LEFT I said," Seras growled as she surveyed the crooked tree. It was a massive thing at least nine feet tall and full and heavy with fragrant bows of pine needles. Pip and the wild geese were at this moment struggling to set the thing up in the slightly small tree-stand.

"This is left!" shouted the aforementioned Pip back at her as he tried to help right the prickly tree. He was cold, wet and tired and had just tromped through several acres of snow with his men to find this blasted tree at four in the morning, and he would be damned if a little thing like getting it in the tree-stand was going to impede him.

"Gah! Not your left, my left!" she gasped as the tree tilted dangerously to one side.

"Quit wobbling it so much," Alucard said casually as leaned up against the wall and watched their attempts with mild amusement.

"You could help Master!" the younger vampire snapped at him, he hadn't done a single thing so far today.

"Right...there," Alucard said, ignoring her, as the tree came into perfect alignment with the high ceiling.

"Thank God," mumbled Pip as one of the geese bent down and secured the tree at the base. Stepping back he paused to admire the massive tree, before taking off his jacket and shaking off a great torrent off needles, snow, and what might have been a bit of pine cone. Getting the sap off was going to be a different story.

"Oh it's lovely!" Seras said joyfully with her eyes sparkling, Christmas was always her favorite time of year.

"Ah, I see...You got the tree," Walter half mumbled as he walked in the room from downstairs, carrying several boxes of lights and Christmas ornaments. The fastidious butlers eyes couldn't help but follow the trail of snow and muddy footprints that lead from the front door to where their Christmas tree now proudly stood; he knew exactly who was going to end cleaning this up.

"Isn't it grand?" Pip asked as he admired their handiwork, they had spent the better part of an hour tromping around in the compounds woods looking for the perfect tree. Now that it was set up, maybe they could take a break and go get some coffee.

Seras sat on the floor, looking through one of the boxes of lights as Walter carefully set down the delicate glass ornaments on the dining table.

"Colored, or white?" the blonde vampire asked, holding up two badly tangled strands of lights for everyone's inspection.

"Why not both?" Walter replied jovially as he headed back down for more decorations. The bulk of decorations would have to be purchased anew, but the Hellsing family's precious German glass ornaments and delicate glass icicles would be making a trip out of the basement this year again.

Walter carefully made his way down the slightly creaky steps and surveyed the actually quite well organized basement. Past the brown paper covered paintings, ceremonial swords and shields and crates full of all documents sat a few neat stacks of slightly dusty boxes full of precious antique ornaments.

Opening one to peer inside, he pulled one exquisitely crafted blue glass orb from its protective tissue paper, replete with spidery silver ribbons and snowflakes. Holding it up to the light the thick translucent glass gave off the appearance of seeming to glow from the inside.

As he put it back and closed the lid he fondly remembered Sir Integra many winters ago as a bright eyed youth gleefully helping put these same decorations up with her father. Picking up another stack of boxes to take up with him, he vaguely wondered if the sight of them would make Sir Integra nostalgic or saddened.

"Give me that! You are just tangling it up worse!" he heard the Police girl squeak at

Commander Pip as he reentered the room. All thoughts of Christmas' past quickly fled his mind as he studied the scene in front of him: Seras was sitting on the floor with Pip, the whole box of lights seemingly in her lap as she attempted to untangle them from one another. The commander was making half-hearted effort to help, but had appeared to have only worsened the situation. Seras was now attempting to disengage a string of lights from the end of his braid; judging by his yelps at her insistent tugs, things were not going so well. The other geese just looked on confoundedly as Alucard laughed from his spot against the wall, of course making no move to help.

-_Some time and many cups of coffee later_.-

"Ok! Let's plug em in!" Seras said excitedly, her Christmas spirit seemingly still not dampened. She tossed the end of one now untangled string of lights to Pip who bent down to insert the plug into the wall outlet. The string burst, well flickered really into "life". More than half the bulbs seemed to be burnt out, and the rest twinkled merrily out of sequence from each other. Testing the rest of them delivered much the same result.

"I suppose I can put new lights on the list as well then Miss Victoria?" Walter asked rather apologetically, the poor Police girl looked rather crestfallen that all their efforts had been for naught.

"I suppose so," she replied with a rather indignant sniff.

"Would you like to come shopping with me to help pick them out?" he asked her, hoping that would cheer her up.

It obviously had the desired effect, as she smiled broadly at him and seemed to immediately forget her unhappiness. "That would be great!" Seras answered gaily. It had been a long time since she had really left the manor for anything but missions, much less for Christmas shopping.

"So does anyone else want to come help us?" she asked the geese as Walter helped her up off the floor. Silence greeted her as she turned around and noticed everyone was suspiciously missing. What was it about most men and shopping?


	3. chapter three

A.N: Wow, a ton of people decided to tell me what they wanted last chapter. The unofficial vote tends to be leaning towards A/S surprisingly, followed shortly by H/Y.

Lots of suggestions for mistletoe kiss as well. But like I said, this story will be full of classic fan fiction plot devices, so worry you not. Alcohol mistletoe and possible blizzards will all be in attendance. I will also do my best not to abuse the blanket scenario, but I promise nothing.

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Pip sighed as he looked out of the side window of the car. The kitchen has seemed a good place to hide at the time, as the Police girl didn't eat. But somehow she had found and cajoled him into coming along on this little shopping excursion. With a simple batting of her lashes she had assured him that she simply wanted his input. As much as he wanted to believe she just desired his company, he was sure she just wanted help carrying stuff; or possibly to get him back for all those jokes he constantly made about her "assets".

Either way, here they were speeding downtown towards God knew where, Pip hadn't really asked. He turned away from the window and half listened to what Seras and Walter were saying, but all he could really think of was that she looked so cute all bundled up in her winter gear, with the dark sunglasses and a dab of sunscreen on her nose.

"..Shall we go first?" he picked out and instantly started to pay attention. He knew

Christmas shopping could be brutal, and the last thing he liked to do was going into a combat zone unprepared.

"I hear there is a charming open air Christmas market set up downtown. They should have all kinds of crafts and imported decorations and gifts... Not to mention specialty foods, mulled wine and beer." Walter said, aiming last bit at Pip.

"Thank God..." The mercenary sighed gratefully, he really needed a drink.

"What was that?" the older man asked in a teasing tone that said he found the whole situation quite amusing.

"I said it sounds like fun," Pip said with a surreptitious glare at Walter. He was the one who had suggested this whole outing. But then again who knew, maybe with a bit of alcohol in him this could turn out all right.

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"So what do you think?" Seras asked, holding up a wreath covered in red and white poinsettias and jingle bells.

Walter managed to keep his expression neutral, but the younger man was not quite so skilled.

"It's... Not quite what we're looking for." Walter said in what he hoped was a placating tone. Quite frankly the Police girl's taste in decorations tended more towards the juvenile. He was surprised she hadn't suggested aerosol cans of fake snow and tinfoil icicles.

Seras frowned a little and went back to looking at the rows of fresh wreaths. Her eyes lit on a very classic green wreath covered in red ribbons and bits of holly.

_'Your taste is terrible Police girl.'_ Her Master's always so smug voice echoed in her head.

Seras scowled at seemingly nothing and shot back, _'Well if you had come you could help me pick something out.'_

There was a slight pause before he replied, _'I like that one over there, with the burgundy and gold.'_

She walked over to it and stared for a moment. It was a massive wreath made of dark green dried pine boughs. A large velvety ribbon sat in its center in a deep wine color edged with gold, lovely clusters of both deep red grapes, and delicate gold brushed bunches and their ivy like leaves decorated it. Even she had to admit it was classy looking.

She picked it up and turned about with it. "This one?" she said in a small hopeful voice.

"Hmm...Very nice actually." Walter said as he scrutinized it. Sir Integra would most likely agree with him on this one.

"Perfect!" Pip said with a firm nod. He actually liked it, but he frankly also wanted to sneak off for a nip of that wine.

Seras suppressed a frown. She was almost disappointed they so easily agreed with her Master on his first try. His laughter echoed in her ears before his presence faded. With a tiny scowl she turned around to tell the wreath maker they wanted a few in this style. Master would be lucky if he got anything for Christmas from her.

-Sometime later-

Seras breathed a sigh of relief as she checked another item off her list._ White lights and plenty of replacement bulbs._

"Ok guys, what do you say we split up for awhile?" Even with a day this overcast, all of this daytime movement was starting to get tiring. That and she still needed to shop for presents for everyone.

"That sounds great!" Pip said looking wistfully towards the food stands.

"Yes I think a bite to eat sounds rather nice right about now," Walter concurred.

"Right then! We'll meet back here in an hour or two." Seras said, and without waiting for a response hurried off towards the clothing and jewelry stands.

"So..." Walter said, distracted for a moment watching the Police girl's quickly retreating backside.

"Beer?" Pip asked, starting to inch unconsciously towards said place of beer getting.

"Yes...Beer."

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Arms once again laden with bags, Seras made her way through the myriad of stands she had yet to visit. She had gotten a good deal of her gift shopping done this far: Warm Holiday sweaters for Pip and the Geese, a nice pocket watch for Walter, a gun cleaning kit for Master, fruit cakes for the Iscariot... The only person she had yet to find a gift for was Integra.

The idea for a present for the usually severe woman had thus far escaped her. Her first instinct when shopping for a woman was either clothing or bath salts. As for clothing being someone who enjoyed wearing lots of bright colors and jeans or short skirts, Integra's austere dress style was usually lost on Seras.

And bath salts, perfume and the like... Seras would never really admit it, but she already loved the way Sir Integra smelled. A mixture of sandalwood and cigar smoke mixed with the delicate scent of the noble blood that flowed right beneath her skin just shouldn't be covered with flowery scents in her opinion. But still the question remained what to get her? She glanced around, weaving her way through hand holding couples and excited children pulling at their parent's sleeves. What indeed?

A small jewelry stand caught her eye and she wandered over to it to take a look. An older woman was sitting behind the black velvet covered table, proudly displaying her wares. There were lovely rings, bracelets and necklaces, all made out of sparking sterling silver.

Her first instinct was to jump back and possibly hiss. Seras really, really didn't like the way silver felt when it touched her delicate vampiric skin. No, white hot fire was not something she usually liked to wear. But the question was did _Integra_ like silver? Being a vampire hunter, she likely did.

She scanned the neat rows of jewelry before her eyes fell on a lovely piece. It was a cross pin, about two inches tall and made from the most exquisite shining silver she had ever seen. The delicate filigree seemed to swirl around the center piece, a single pure blue stone. The color of it was somewhere between sky and the morning fog in London. It was the exact color of Sir Integra's eyes.

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Seras smiled, clutching the small jewelry box gleefully as she made her way back to the food stands. This tiny piece of jewelry had set her back a little more than she would usually spend on any single gift, but it was so perfect she couldn't resist. Besides, she hardly ever spent any of the money she made at Hellsing anyway.

The sound of familiar laughter brought her back to the present. Walter and Pip were sitting across from each other on one of the long wooden tables set up near the various food stands. Walter was drinking what appeared to be wine or cider, and Pip seemed to have just finished off his presumably first pitcher of beer. They were now laughing quite heartily at some joke one of them had just made.

"Ah there's our girl now!" Pip said rather loudly as Seras neared them. "We were JUST talking about you!" the rakish mercenary said with a friendly pat on the spot next to him.

"Perish the thought..." she mumbled before setting down her bags.

"What was that?" Walter asked with a crooked grin.

"I said I can't wait to see what you've bought." she quickly supplied, glancing at the decidedly new bag sitting at Pip's side.

"Ah well you'll just have to wait and see now won't you?"

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Integra sighed and put down her pen. For some reason she couldn't really seem to concentrate. The little bursts of laughter coming from down below were finally beginning to get to her.

With a huff she sat up and re-buttoned her jacket. Honestly, it was like having a house full of children.

Silently she crept down the steps and peeked through the banister to see what all the noise was about.

Walter, Seras, Pip and the Geese were all busy decorating the massive Christmas tree and giggling like school children.

"Why don't you go join them Master?" a deep familiar voice purred next to her ear.

"Why don't you?" she asked him without even turning around. She was quite used to not having any privacy.

"I'm sure they wouldn't mind if you wanted to go help them. It _is_ the Hellsing Christmas tree after all."

"I'm a very busy woman, I don't have time for decorating trees, hanging stockings, or baking cookies." she trailed off with a wistful sigh. Sometimes she did wish she had time to do such frivolous things.

"But you have time to spy on them in the middle of the night, hmm?" he asked in his normal teasing tone. "Does little Tegra miss Christmas time?"

Integra just glared at him for a moment before walking down the steps.

"Sir Integra! Good I wanted to ask you something." Seras said cheerily as the older woman walked into the room. The warm firelight flickering off the ornaments and everyone's jovial expressions were terribly infectious.

"What did you need Seras?" Integra asked smoothing down her jacket and trying not to look so foreboding.

"I think I need a woman's opinion," the young vampire said, casting a slight glare at the male populous of the room. "Do you think we should put candy canes on the tree?" she asked, holding up an extra large box of the red and white treats.

"On the tree?" Integra asked, casual inspecting said conifer. "As long as it's sanitary I don't see why not."

"Oh it is! We used to do it every year when I was a kid...And I would always sneak a few off the tree while no one was looking..." Seras chattered on about her childhood as she passed out the boxes.

"Would you like to help Sir Integra?" Seras asked hopefully, she so rarely saw the Hellsing heir out of her office. It would do her some good to relax at least for the holidays.

"Well, I suppose I can spare a few moments." The platinum blonde said taking a box. As she took one of the candy canes out and found a nice place for it on the tree, she couldn't help but think it wasn't so bad to let her hair down every once in awhile, figuratively speaking.

"Don't put them so close together Sir Integra," Seras said, reaching over and moving the one she had just put down a few inches up, "It's a big tree."

And so it was that Integra the leader of Hellsing ended up helping decorate the tree that fine snowy night.

Keep up those suggestions! Small scenario ideas are especially helpful, as it's very hard to think up so many different situations for different characters to get in! I have a bit of the next chapter already done, and let me just say that the Iscariot shall finally be arriving.


	4. chapter four

A.N: Phew, looks like its finally coming together. In this chapter the Iscariot finally make their appearance. If anyone would like to maybe contribute a fic that goes with this setup that would be a wonderful Christmas gift! Keep up the suggestions; they have given me some great ideas. And yes let me again remind everone this is MANGAverse. So any AlucardxAnyone will be a bit diffrent from how I write Animecard.

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Enrico paced back and forth in his office, as he had been doing a lot as of late. No matter how many complaints he lodged, or how loudly he protested all the way up to the Pope it looked like he was spending Christmas in England this year.

If he was going to be spending time in the den of his enemies, he may as well make the best of it. With a small sneer the young Iscariot leader went over to his intercom and sent for his top three.

A few moments later Heinkel, Yumiko, and Anderson stood in his office before him, waiting for their briefing.

"Well, ladies and Alex, despite my best efforts it looks like even I can't get us out of this

one." he began.

"You can't seriously expect us to spend the holiest of days in that nest of vipers!" Anderson spat, his hands clutching in white-knuckle rage at the very prospect.

"It's not that I expect it, it's the Holy See himself who expects it." Enrico replied, carefully keeping his own ire buried below the surface.

"Ridiculous." Heinkel simply said, as Yumiko beside her just proceeded to look a little green.

"Indeed. But I believe something can be gained here. I propose we use this time to our advantage. This is the perfect opportunity to gather information about the stronghold of our enemy and start to rebuild their trust in us." Enrico said with a vicious sneer as he moved to sit behind his desk.

"So you propose ve use this as a time for reconnaissance?" Heinkel asked, starting to see the possibilities.

"Precisely." there was that smirk again. "No doubt Hellsing's resident abominations will be in attendance as well. The elder I feel we know a good deal about from...previous encounters."

Anderson silently fumed at the reminder of said failed encounters with the Hell beast Alucard.

"But the younger of the two, the female vampire is relatively fresh and new to her undeath. I believe she can be swayed and corrupted against the Protestants before her loyalties are too deeply ingrained. I heard she is not yet bound to the Hellsing by anything other than word." The young leader trailed off, looking reflective as possibilities whirled through his head.

"We would never actually take a vampire into our organization, would we?" Yumiko asked in a small shocked voice.

"No of course not. After we had gleaned what we could from her we'd destroy her along with the rest of the heretics. Now comes the issue of how to gain her trust. You of course," he said looking squarely at Anderson, "no doubt wholesale terrify her."

Anderson just grinned wickedly. He still fondly remembered the she-demons screams of abject terror quite vividly.

"If you do meet with her, you will be courteous and keep conversation to a minimum. However you two," now he looked to the two female members of section XIII, "have yet to meet this vampire. With your shared gender and duty I have no doubt you can build some kind of friendly report with her." Enrico himself couldn't remember ever actually speaking with the vampire in question, and while he had no doubt he could use his charms on her to their fullest, he had a feeling he would be occupied with another female come Christmas.

"So you want us to, to...Make friends with it?" Yumiko asked a bit aghast. If anything her green pallor had only seemed to intensify.

"I have faith in you. Now onto procedure. There will be no lethal combat of any kind during this gathering. I expect all obvious weapons left behind..."

-The morning of December 24th-

All throughout the manor the staff rushed around finishing the preparations with great haste, for Integra in her office this was also the case.

On this clear frosty morning no soldiers trained in the barracks or field, for on Christmas day this was the one time Sir Hellsing would allow them to yield.

The resident vampires lay resting still in their snug coffin beds, respective visions of presents and Hellfire dancing in their heads.

The great tree was brilliantly alit, the presents laid out and the stockings hung with care, in hopes that the Iscariot's plane would crash into a mountain before it got there.

Integra sat at her desk, adjusting her long blonde hair while looking into an antique hand mirror. For some reason she had gotten almost no sleep last night, and this morning her restlessness had increased tenfold. Thankfully she noted her naturally warm complexion seemed to cover up any trace of dark circles she might have had.

Still, Integra felt unusually preoccupied with her appearance today. She couldn't figure out why she felt so imperfect today. Her deep red suit and black cravat were impeccably pressed without a hint of a wrinkle, and her long hair had been brushed out in golden waves that hung down her back. Why was she so worried about what she looked like for those Vatican pigs?

Nevertheless, a strange feeling seemed to have lodged itself in her stomach; much like tiny birds alternately flapping their wings and gnawing on her innards in turn. She assured herself it was just suppressed murderous intent, but here she found herself looking in the mirror and pinching at her cheeks.

_-Meanwhile-_

Walter hummed merrily as he finished up preparations in the kitchen. The load wasn't terribly heavy in the food department this year, as the bulk of the refreshments were being catered. But still the Hellsing retainer insisted on preparing a few of his holiday specialties.

His oh so exclaimed glazed yams were presently baking away in one of the restaurant grade ovens. Next to them his gingerbread man cookies that were always Integra's favorite as a child were filling the house with the warm smells of Christmas.

Presently, Walter was stirring the massive crystal punch bowl full of his home made eggnog. He ladled a bit into one of the delicate crystal glasses and took a sip. It was nearly perfect, and lacking only the secret ingredient. Walter fished around in the cabinets until he found it, rum.

He carefully measured out the amount and slowly mixed it in. Taste testing it again, he decided they were all adults here, and added a bit more. That done, Walter set the bottle down next to the punch bowl and went to bring Sir Integra her morning tea.

_-Meanwhile still-_

Pip nearly cackled as he skulked around the mansion, blending in with the shadows as he carried with him his prize: An extra large box of mistletoe. Oh this was going to be such fun he thought to himself.

In every darkened corridor and every nook and cranny he hung his little bundles of holiday tradition. Door frames and balconies and even bedrooms were not safe as he made sure that every room housed at least one of the scourges of the Christmas season. Finally he made it to the last place on his list: The kitchen. Looking both ways he slipped in silent as death. The cheery smells of cooking greeted him, but no one seemed to be presently attending the room.

One more piece of mistletoe he hung over the small dining table he always ate his pilfered goods from the kitchen at. It also occasionally doubled as a poker table for him and the boys. With a grin he imagined all the chaos these would bring to this little Christmas gathering. No one could say it would be boring.

On his way out, the light flickering on the glimmering crystal punch bowl caught his eye.

"Eggnog?" he murmured, sampling a bit of the contents. "A bit bland." he shrugged, then picked up the bottle of rum and took a swig.

_Now that's good stuff!_ He said to himself, before empting the bulk of its contents into the punch bowl. Hopefully that would also add a little life to this thing.

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Integra put her cigar out before standing up and pacing a bit more. She had to find something besides paperwork to do or she was going to go crazy.

With a sigh she got up, heading downstairs to ask Walter how the preparations were going. As she made her way down the steps, the sound of voices pricked at her ears.

"...Welcome. I see everything must be well as you are early." Walter's voice floated up to her as her heart beat a bit painfully in her chest.

"Well no one would accuse us of lack of punctuality." another of so unfortunately familiar voice followed.

As she finally gained a full view of the front door, her worst fears were instantly imagined. They were here, the Iscariot, in her home.

"Ah Miss Hellsing! How wonderful to see you!" Enrico's smarmy sweet voice called to her as she came to stand at the base of the steps.

"Maxwell." she said simply, hoping all the venom was carefully kept out of her voice.

"Merry Christmas." He told her with a smirk, before holding out a planter of pure white poinsettias to her.

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And Enrico and Integra finally see each other face to face. What will happen now? Will they end up clawing each others eyes out? Will Integra dump his planter and refuse to say Merry Christmas back?! Will Seras and Yumiko become friends and string popcorn for the tree? Its all up to you guys!


	5. chapter five

A.N: Shesh you people and your demands upon my person x.x actually I love it. Lots of reviews telling me to hurry up and write always get me off my bum and onto the keyboard. Well not sitting on the keyboard....well you know what I mean!

Ok so here is the official pairing vote tally(romantic or otherwise) at the time of me writing this: AxI:11, PxS:9, AxS:8, SxI:6, ExI:6, HxY:5, WxS:4, AnxS:4 ,AnxI:3 , AnxA:3, IxP:3, ExAn, SxE, AxH, and Alucard/the Queen all had two votes each, and YxE, YxS ,HxI, WxA, HxE, YxI, WxY, HxAn, AnxY and WxRenaldo(I hope to god you mean in a non romantic way) each had one vote. A LOT of people requested something with mistletoe, four people requested threesome pairings, four people said they hated a particular pairing, three people said they liked everything, three people suggested something that included Heinkel and Yumiko singing, and one person requested an orgy (yes, thank you for that Thess). I'll do my best guys!

Merry Christmas to: everyone, and special thanks to my beta Nepenthe.

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Integra looked at the pristine flowers in front of her, and fought down the facial tick she was quickly developing. The Queen's orders for them to get along like good little children played through her head, and she forced herself with wooden movements to reach out and take the flowers.

"They are lovely," she said with a forced smile that was more frightening than warm. His fingers brushed over hers as she took the green foil wrapped planter, and she squelched down a flutter that was half morbid fascination and half something else.

"I knew you would like them," his sickly sweet smirk never left his face as he straightened from his little bow.

"Ahem," Integra blinked for a moment, at a loss for what to say that wouldn't be overtly hostile. "Walter, would you take these and stick them...somewhere?"

"Right away Sir Integra," the faithful butler said with a bow before taking the flowers.

"So...Maxwell," Integra glanced between the people he had brought with him for a moment. A nun, about a dozen priests and bureaucrat types she had never met, Father Renaldo and...Anderson. The very sight of the man riled her more than even Enrico, if that was possible. She still hadn't forgotten what he had done.

"Allow me to introduce my entourage," he said, taking the initiative, "these are sister Yumiko, and sister Heinkel," he said indicating the two women. Integra blinked at Heinkel for a moment; she was dressed as a priest. After a few more moments of the two tall blonde women inspecting each other, the Hellsing leader decided if she herself could dress like a man, who's to say a nun couldn't as well.

"You have met Father Anderson and Renaldo, have you not?" he asked with that saccharine smirk before going on to introduce the rest of his group...

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After all the pointless introductions were made, Walter showed their guests up to the rooms they would be staying in for the night. Integra took the opportunity to continue on to the kitchen, which had been her original destination.

The large room was warm and filled with holiday smells. Not really sure what she was looking for, Integra poked around before grabbing a fresh gingerbread man and sitting at down at the scarred dining table in the corner.

"Ah here you are. I was wondering where you were hiding Sir Integra," Walter's reassuring voice washed over her as he sat down next to her.

"I am not hiding," she said evenly before biting the head off her gingerbread man.

"Ah indeed. Let me get you something to drink," the older man said before rising and walking over to the punch bowl of eggnog. He ladled a generous cup full, and added an extra shot of rum. He figured Sir Integra was going to need it if she was expected to keep up her cool façade.

"Thank you," she said as she took a long sip of it. Her eyes watered slightly, but it warmed her insides and seemed to instantly relax her tense muscles.

"I just don't know what's going to happen when Alucard and Seras get up," she said darkly, before finishing off the heavily spiked nog and starting again on her cookie man. Walter considered telling her not to spoil her appetite, but quickly decided against it.

"I'm sure they'll manage to conduct themselves affably, assuming the Iscariot do. Let's just hope they have as strict orders to foster good will as we do," Walter trailed off, before getting up to pour himself a glass of nog. He really hoped they could keep the bloodshed to a minimum.

Just then the door opened with a lazy slap against the wall, and several of Hellsing's mercenary employees piled into the kitchen with much noise and laughter. Pip at the head of the group walked in backwards still talking with the person behind him, before turning around, intent on pinching one of the cooling cookies off its rack. He stopped dead in his tracks as he noticed Walter and an obviously sour tempered Integra sharing a moment of companionable silence.

"Oh hello," Pip said slightly startled, "what are you doing here?" he managed to refrain from saying 'what are you doing in our spot', referring to the old dining table. He had always assumed it was originally put there for the "help" to dine at, but they had adopted it as their spot outside of the barracks.

"I would ask you the same," Walter said raising an eyebrow at him, "I am still quite busy preparing a few dishes," he didn't make any excuse for the actuality that he was in fact at this moment sitting on his bum and drinking eggnog, this was his kitchen by God, at least until the cook got back from vacation.

"Right then...We'll just get out of your way," he said, eyeing Sir Integra a bit warily before starting to back up.

"No, no don't be silly," Integra said with a wave of her hand, "have a seat. I think we all need to formulate a strategy anyway if we expect to survive the night."

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Seras woke slowly with a strange feeling lodged in the back of her brain, almost like a warning signal was going off in her head. She forced herself into awareness, letting go of her good dreams before pressing the button to raise the lid of her coffin. Crawling out she glanced at the clock: 5:30, it was still at least a few hours until sunset but she just couldn't sleep any more.

She picked up a hair brush and ran it lazily through her thick, if short mane of strawberry blonde hair before looking at her calendar of 'twelve months of adorable kittens'. Her eyes slowly focused on the date, before its implication took root in her brain.

'_December twenty-fourth- The Iscariot arrive' _was hastily scrawled in red pen on the unassuming white square. Instantly she could feel herself break out in a cold sweat, God this was going to suck.

She quickly dressed in jeans and a fuzzy Christmas sweater covered in snowflakes before creeping over to the door. Slowly she opened it, peeking out into the dark corridor and then slipping out into it without a sound.

"Going somewhere Police girl?" the deep mocking voice of her Master asked out of the shadows to her left, startling out of her what he thought was quite a satisfying shriek.

"Wha-what? I wasn't going anywhere Master. I just wanted to see what was going on," the blonde vampire said with a little frown, why did he always pick on her?

"Ah, so you sensed their arrival as well? And you are sure you weren't planning on sneaking out of the manner before the big-bad Vatican wolfs get you?" he asked, slipping out of the pool of shadows and pinning her with a fangy grin.

"Of course not Master," she said with an indignant sniff, "I'm not afraid of them," the lie sounded forced even to her ears, even if she was really only afraid of _one_ of them.

"Good! Then you can join me in greeting them! Come along Police girl," his grin widened as he motioned for her to follow. Seras gulped and unwittingly followed. Yes this was really not going to be her day at all.

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Enrico pursed his lips, surveying the more than generous accommodations. He had half expected to be sleeping on a cot in the dungeons for his stay, but the fact that his room had lights _and _a comfortable sleeping surface didn't do much to lessen his suspicion.

He sighed before finally tossing his suitcase unceremoniously on the bed and starting to unpack it. They had been informed by the quite frankly unsettlingly polite butler that a sort of "get-together" was planned in honor of their arrival. He wouldn't put something past Hellsing or one of her filthy pets like putting poison in the punch bowl; he would have to make sure to only eat out of the same dishes as them.

With one last harrumph he unpacked his bag and started to change his clothes. The sound of hushed talking from the hallway caught his attention, and instantly he stopped what he was doing and slunk over to the door. With nary a sound he cracked the door open and peered out. For a moment he wasn't sure what he was seeing, but slowly the images in front of him made it all the way to his brain. That hell beast Nosferatu was standing across the hallway from him with a tallish blonde girl in a horrendous holiday sweater holding a large cellophane wrapped gift basket. He seemed to be trying to persuade her to do something...

"Please Master don't make me," Seras said imploringly as her gloved fingers dug nervously into the clear plastic, crinkling it slightly.

"Oh really Police girl, it's not a big deal. Just knock on the door and say 'Merry Christmas Mister Paladin, here is a token of our esteem' then give him the basket and you may leave," Alucard told her with a maniacal grin, before straightening the red poinsettia sitting in his breast pocket.

"Ca-can't you do it please?" she said in that same small voice, knowing that it was useless to try and reason with him.

"What on earth..." Enrico heard himself say out loud before he could stop himself. Seras instantly snapped around to face him and let out a little shriek before jumping back. One of her hands shot out to catch herself on the wall, but instead of stopping her like she expected it continued to sink into the seemingly solid wall like it was water. She shrieked again in surprise, before moving it around experimentally.

"I...what? This has never happened before," she said, her head starting to ache from the constant stress of being startled so often.

"Ah Police girl, you must finally be manifesting some of your abilities!" the master vampire said with a laugh before he grinned at the equally startled Iscariot leader.

Seras tried to smile, before attempting to pull her hand back. It stuck fast.

"M-master! I can't get it back out!" she said, nearly breaking into tears as she tugged against the inky black portal that had formed around her hand.

"Well then put it in farther naturally! See if you can walk through the wall," Alucard laughed, and poked her in the center of the back.

"But-but, he's in there!" she said pleadingly and she tugged with renewed fervor.

"Don't forget the basket!" he laughed, putting it back in her other hand before shoving her through.

With a muted thump they heard her land on the floor on the other side, and then all was quiet for a moment.

Seras quickly rose to her feet, her fingers still gripping onto the handle of the basket before her eyes locked on the sight in front of her. Alexander Anderson was standing not a half a dozen feet in front of her, and appeared to have just gotten out of the shower. There he stood before her all equally shocked as her six foot seven of him in nothing but a towel. The young vampire struggled to gain her voice as her mind was torn between fear and some sort of sick fascination.

Finally when she managed to move again, she closed her eyes and thrust the basket into his arms. "Merry Christmas Mister Paladin, here is a token of our esteem!" with that said she quickly turned around, opened the door, and fled.

"Good job Police girl!" Anderson heard the demon named Alucard call after the girl as she tore down the hall. Quite confused at this point, he looked down at the gift basket. It contained some fruit, a whet stone, and a wide assortment of bandages and antiseptics. This was certainly going to be an interesting dinner.

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Ah and the OOCness starts to read its ugly head. Well maybe not too much, but it's for the sake of comedy I say!

Now I would like to stress that despite what couple you "vote" for, that doesn't mean I'm going to exclude less popular ones! Like I said, there will be multiple endings to make _everyone _happy. But I must say, I think the core pairings will each be getting a full chapter to themselves (2k words), and the lesser alt pairings may only get a shorter chapter (1k words or so). But it all depends where inspiration strikes. And again I say it doesn't have to be romantic (as some pairings will be very hard to write in a romantic light), but I'll try my best to fulfill everyone's wishes.


	6. chapter six

A.N: You people and your ideas are crazy, but I love them. I'm so glad everyone is enjoying themselves, and I'll try to keep the flow going nicely.

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"Do you think I should wear my habit?" Yumiko asked offhandedly as she brushed her hair in front of the mirror. The young nun had seemed to have calmed down considerably after having seen the two heads of the organizations now under this roof treat each other rather civilly. Even Heinkel had been surprised no blood had been shed thus far.

"Do you really think they vould care one vay or the other?" Heinkel sniffed in indignation and went back to staring at the ceiling. While Yumiko had mellowed somewhat, Heinkel on the other hand was now more on edge than she usually was before even the most dangerous mission. Part of her attributed it to the fact that she was missing the comforting weight of her desert eagles at her sides, for she had opted for a smaller more easily concealable Glock this time around (despite what Maxwell said she would never go anywhere unarmed); but really she was just itching to get a look at the demon that Maxwell had suggested they befriend. The last thing Heinkel wanted to do was underestimate this hell spawn.

Yumiko frowned and turned to look at her long time partner. Sometimes she wished she wouldn't always be so serious. With a sigh the dark haired woman bounced onto the bed to sit next to her.

"You really should try and relax a little. Keep your eyes open yes, but this _is _the closest thing we are going to get to a break for awhile." The young nun's eyes were so gentle and imploring was all that Heinkel could think; it was amazing that Yumie was lurking just below.

"If you say so," the German woman said before taking off her sunglasses. She took a deep breath and gave her a small smile, attempting to not look so intimidating. It really wouldn't do for her to scare this vampire girl with her infamous glowering looks.

"That's better," said Yumiko, returning the smile.

"You should leave your hair down I think," Heinkel finally answered the nun's earlier question. "It's a shame I only get to see it vhen..." she trailed off.

"When Yumie is awake?" she asked a bit sadly. When her darker personality took over she only ever really remembered snatches of things, but sometimes she wished she could be as free and uninhibited as her other self.

"Yes I suppose so," Heinkel said in a whisper, reaching out to brush the long dark hair out of her partner's eyes. The other woman unconsciously leaned into the warmth of the slight touch. She was really the only person she could trust, that would accept her as she was.

"I-," a sudden knock at the door interrupted Yumiko, and she nearly leaped back off the bed to answer the door.

"Are yeh two ready for dinner?" Anderson asked eyeing Yumiko's slightly flushed continence with slight curiosity. Part of him always wondered why the two women always insisted on sharing a room...

"Of course ve are," Heinkel said with a kind of grim determination that made it sound like she was ready for a war. She brushed past Anderson with an odd look on her face as she went to meet up with the others.

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After quite a few cups of eggnog all around, Integra and the wild geese were quite ready to tackle anything. After an extensive "tactics" meeting, the geese were sent ahead into the dining room. If everyone could just manage to play nice for the night they could make it through this.

"So Master, you haven't given me my orders for this night. Do you plan to leave it up to my discretion?" Alucard asked as he slinked from the shadows when the kitchen had emptied.

Integra smirked, before lighting a cigar and taking a long drag off of it.

"You know exactly what I expect of you servant," she said a bit darkly as her gloved finger traced the rim of her empty glass.

"No tell me Master what you want of me," his voice was deep and slightly teasing as always as he stepped towards her. The shadows that cast upon her from his tall form seemed to radiate a sort of cold, and she fought the urge to shiver.

"I expect you to avoid conflict tonight," she said, chewing absently on her cigar. She hadn't really decided...Would it be wise to actually have Alucard at the dinner table? He was rather threatening, even when he didn't mean to be (which was very rarely), but she didn't delude herself into believing he wasn't her trump card. He was the true power of the Hellsing organization, but was it _wise_ to bandy him about?

"I want you at that dinner, in case anything goes wrong," she finally decided. "But if at all possible I would prefer you not make an actual appearance; just keep an eye out."

"Yes my Master," he said with a flourishing bow. There were a great many things he could do that didn't involve him making an "appearance" in the traditional sense of the word. Oh yes, he would have his fun tonight.

The corner of Integra's mouth twitched as she stood to leave the room. She could just imagine the kind of chaos having him at the dinner table coolly sipping his blood would have caused. But lest they think she was giving into them, the Police girl would be there right at her side.

"Be good my pet and perhaps I'll have a Christmas gift for you," the normally quite icy knight murmured before brushing past him.

Alucard chuckled softly as the door slapped closed behind her. Pet indeed. He sniffed before eyeing the gigantic crystal bowl they had all been drinking from. Curious he ladled himself a glass full and took a sip.

"Blech," was his first reaction, but actually it had a rather pleasant after taste. It was no steaming cup of blood, but with a shrug he tipped it back and finished it off.

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The dining hall was all set up for what looked to be a spectacular feast. In addition to the main table, several extra smaller ones had been dragged in from the barracks to accommodate the number of people. As always for the Christmas Eve dinner everyone would be eating together.

As the Iscariots entered the room one by one they didn't really know what to think. White lights had been strung up around the room's tall columns, and the great stone hearth was roaring. Various tasteful decorations adorned the room, giving it an overall warm and cheery sort of vibe. This wasn't exactly the kind of feel anyone was expecting to get from what was supposed to be an austere British dining room. The merrily chatting mercenaries currently occupying many of the smaller tables indeed gave the place the look of a lavishly decorated beer hall.

"Ah good evening. Punctual again I see," came the voice of the ominously ever present butler to Maxwell's left, causing him to jump slightly.

"Ahem yes, well naturally," the Iscariot leader replied. His eyes darted to and fro, expecting something horrible to jump out and shatter the growing air of civility.

"So where are our hosts?" Anderson asked with an equally darting look around the room. After what had happened in his room earlier, he didn't know what was going to randomly pop out of a wall next.

"Waiting for you of course," came the cool cultured voice of said hostess from the doorway. This time it was Alex who jumped. Damned heretics and their non squeaky shoes.

"Well don't just stand there, have a seat," Integra fairly purred. The blonde woman was very obviously enjoying witnessing the Iscariot's discomfort. She may be housing her cordial enemies this night, but by God it was them who were in unfamiliar territory.

Enrico raised an eyebrow at the woman before motioning his entourage to take their seats at the long table. "After you Milady," he motioned for her to go ahead, his voice dripping with false sincerity. Something felt a bit off, Integra should have been just as wary and uncomfortable as the rest of them. Now she fairly oozed an aura of calm superiority, her movements looser and more relaxed than he had ever seen her. Strange, she had seemed to stiff just a few hours ago when she had greeted them. He couldn't help wondering what had changed as he unconsciously watched the sway of her hips as she passed. He quickly shook himself and found the little place card set in front of his seat. Just a few seats down from Integra, brilliant.

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Seras once again found herself skulking down the hallways of the Hellsing manor. After what had happened earlier, she wasn't exactly as scared as before, but she was still rather disturbed. At Integra's insistence she would be attending tonight's meal with the Iscariot. Frankly she couldn't imagine why, it wasn't like she ate or anything. But nonetheless she couldn't exactly ignore an order from Sir Integra, indirect or not. She slinked down the stairs and peeked around the corner, it looked all clear.

"What on earth are you doing?" a masculine voice asked from behind her. Seras let out a squeak and spun around, ready to attack.

"Oh...Pip. Jesus you scared me," Seras said, attempting to catch the breath she no longer really needed to take.

"Everyone seems so jumpy today," he drawled, lazily looking her up and down. She was wearing a simple dark green summer dress with matching heels. Thank God she wasn't wearing one of those terrible sweaters again was his first thought, his second being that she looked damned good tonight.

"I wonder why," she mumbled, going back to peeking around the corner.

"Um, shall I escort you into the dining room?" Pip asked with a lopsided grin.

"Would you?" she said with a sigh of relief. It was ridiculous really, seeing as she could handle herself likely better than he himself.

"Of course," the mercenary said, his smile only broadening as he held out his arm for her to take it. She smiled nervously, and wrapped her hand in the crook of his elbow. All nervousness was temporarily forgotten as she thought about how warm he felt...and how good he smelled.

As they entered the beautifully decorated dining hall, Seras unconsciously leaned her head into the side of his arm. If anyone cared to look, they appeared to the entire world as a happy couple strolling arm and arm.

Seras and Pip scanned the table, looking for their seats.

"I'm over here," the vampire said as she pulled away from him, her face slightly flushed. She looked down as she felt the slight warmth in her cheeks, she still blushed right after she'd fed it seemed.

Without really looking Seras took her seat, at the left side of Integra. With a sigh of relief she sunk down into the plush cushioned chair.

"Good evening Sir Integra," she said, her eyes shifting onto the people sitting around her. Everyone seemed fairly busy talking amongst themselves, so no one had really paid her much mind. She was glad to see Pip sit down in the seat directly across from her. To his right was an empty seat, and to her right sat a tall blonde man with his back to her, talking to another blonde priest with what sounded like a German accent.

"Glad to see you could make it Officer Victoria," Integra said with a slight quirking of her lips. She wondered if the young vampire realized she looked very much like a wide eyed kitten, the way she snapped to look at everything that moved.

"Have you met Maxwell yet?" Integra said, indicating the man sitting next to Seras. She shook her head when he quickly turned around .He eyed her with curiosity and mostly veiled revulsion.

"Maxwell this is Officer Seras Victoria, one of Hellsing's greatest assets."

"Hello," she squeaked at him. The way he was looking at her made her decidedly uncomfortable.

Enrico looked at this girl in front of him, instantly recognizing her as the person he had seen fall through a wall outside his bedroom a few hours ago. She didn't look like much of a vampire, with her big limpid eyes and innocent face. Remembering what he had early said himself, he quickly smoothed his features into a lazy smile.

"Pleasure to meet you," he said in his most charming voice, and took her hand in his to place a chaste kiss on the back of it. It was smooth and cool to the touch, like a peach.

Seras blinked at him, quickly pulling her hand away from him. She was surprised not to see a look of disgust flitter across his face when he touched her, as this was the reaction she always expected when people touched her bare skin. Seras flushed yet again and tried to smile, what was it with her lately? First the whole thing with Anderson...And speak of the devil.

The blonde vampire felt herself inwardly flinch as the tall, ominous priest took his seat next to Pip. The feeling of stinging silver flashed through her mind as her eyes focused the gleaming cross around his neck. She was quickly snapped back to the present at the feeling of a soft touch on the back of her hand. She looked over, and realized Integra had placed her hand on top of her. The small gesture from the usually severe woman seemed to infuse her with strength. Seras smiled shyly at her, before looking at Anderson. He quirked an eyebrow at her, obviously remembering earlier, then gave her a broad and rather threatening looking grin.

Integra squeezed her hand slightly, and Seras smiled again at her, before turning on Anderson and giving him her best impression of master's fangy grin. The priest looked a bit shocked, but slowly his smile softened before he went back to talking to the dark haired woman across from him. Integra patted her hand before pulling hers away asthe staff started bringing in platters laden with food.

_Bring it on world_, Seras thought as a very large crystal bowl of eggnog was placed on the middle of the table.

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Well there you go, that's 90 of the setup I think. It took me awhile as I tried to fit in all my ideas. The next chapter will either be a bit more set up and an "ending", or just an ending. I haven't decided yet. This is your chance to get your ideas in, or if you like you can write a little ficlet using my setup n.n I'll post it here if you like (and credit you fully) or you can post it yourself. Either way I know I've got a lot of work cut out for me!


	7. The obligatory PxS and AxI endings

Wow I actually managed to sit down and complete something. Surprising, considering all the muddled ideas swimming around in my head. To ease the pressure off of the daunting task that sits before me, I have decided to combine some of the endings. Here I bring you the first in a series of possible outcomes: "The obligatory PxS and AxI endings" in which the cliché of mistletoe is explored.

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With Integra's encouragements and with Pip sitting across from her, Seras slowly relaxed into a routine of stilted conversation and eggnoggy goodness. Seras couldn't truthfully remember the last time she had drank some of the holiday concoction, but she didn't recall it burning such a pleasant trail down her throat. The way it warmed her insides was almost like the euphoric effect she got after drinking blood.

With a pleased sigh she left her eyes slip shut for a moment. A few seconds later something small and hard bounced off the middle of her forehead. Her eyes snapped open, and she glanced down at the offending object: a large green pea.

She glanced around, quickly lighting on Pip as he averted his gaze and whistled a nameless tune. She quirked an eyebrow at him, picking up the pea and flicking it back at him with deadly accuracy. It pinged off of him, hitting him squarely between the eyes and landing in his glass.

He grinned at her; winking as well as someone with one eye could before he started humming a tune she recognized quite well. One that belonged to a certain ribald song he had sung a time or two in her presence.

The blonde vampire narrowed her eyes and gave him a little kick under the table. Pip gave an exaggerated wince, before moving his foot to brush against the inside of her leg.

Seras sputtered on her nog, glancing around furtively to see if anyone had noticed their little game. Deciding it was all in good fun; she slipped her foot out of her shoe and slid it up the cuff of his pants a few inches. She was more than gratified to see his eye widen, and his face gain a reddish tinge to it.

Stifling a giggle, she grabbed another pea and aimed it at him, but was quickly distracted when Pip used his other leg to sandwich her leg between his, effectively trapping her foot in his pants. She blushed madly as the pea veered off course, pinging off the back of Anderson's head which was turned to talk to the person beside him.

The priest turned around, peering around curiously before giving her obviously flustered face an odd look. Seras coughed into her napkin, yanked her foot from between Pip's legs, and slipped her shoe back on. With a slight nod to a seemingly out of it Integra, she got up and pushed her chair in, before quickly slipping off into a side hallway.

She stopped and leaned against the stone wall of the darkened corridor, covering her flaming cheeks with her hands as she finally gave into a fit of giggles.

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As the night progressed everyone seemed to become more and more relaxed with the situation. Food and drink continued to flow, followed by loosened lips and inhibitions...

Integra stifled a yawn, the day's events finally starting to catch up with her. She had been so harried the previous night; she had gotten very little sleep.

She took another sip of eggnog as she half listened to snatches of conversation from the surrounding drunken revelry. Drunken? Had they drank that much? She had expected as much from the mercenaries, but even she was fully surprised when the Iscariot members started to show the signs of being genuinely blitzed.

It wasn't as easy to tell when Maxwell had started to get drunk, as he seemed to hold his liquor rather well. The first signs had been when his posture has loosened, and the ever present ice behind his eyes had thawed a bit. In general he seemed to have eased the stick out of his butt.

For others the warning signs were much clearer, such as the slightly red faced nun lifting her glass and yelling "Kampai!" every few minutes.

As the noise seemed to blur into a dull roar, Integra propped her cheek on the palm of her hand and let her eyes slip closed...

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_"Uncle Walter!" She said with her mouth still full, before blushing and finishing the bite. "I was hoping you would come today." _

_"Of course, someone had to help your father pick out a nice tree," he said with a wide smile._

_Integra slipped into the kitchen, looking both ways before covertly snatching a gingerbread man off of the cooling rack. With a smile she sat down at the table, nibbling at her pilfered prize happily._

_"Integra, are you spoiling your dinner again?" Integra jumped, nearly choking on the man-shaped confection. _

_"Is daddy back as well?" she asked, instantly hopping to her feet. _

_"He's helping set up the tree right now," he answered._

_Integra stuffed the rest of the cookie in her mouth before tearing out of the kitchen and into the great hall._

_"Daddy!" she cried as she spotted the man, who was supervising the placement of the tree._

_"Tegra! There's my girl," he laughed, dropping to one knee to receive her tackling hug._

_"I missed you daddy," she said, giving him and extra hard squeeze before pulling away._

_"I mean, welcome home father. How was Germany?" the girl asked, straightening herself and curtsying just as her etiquette teacher had taught her._

_"Just fine dearest. I brought you something," he said before rising to retrieve one of several broad, flat boxes. Integra shifted from foot to foot, trying not to give into the temptation to bounce with childish glee._

_"Oh what is it?" she asked as he leaned back down to present her with the box. While he held it she hastily pulled the lid off, revealing rows of sparkling Christmas ornaments._

_"Ooh they're so pretty!" she gasped, instantly reaching out to grab one. Her mouth forming a little "O" she held it up to the light, where it glimmered like some delicate spun sugar confection._

_"Would you like to hang the first one?" he asked his mouth quirking as he watched her fascination._

_"Oh! Can I?" the big blue-eyed girl asked, even as she was skipping towards the tree._

_"Where do you want to hang it?" he asked her as she stared up at the tall tree, which seemed even more so from her tiny stature._

_"Up high! Way high!" she said, laughing as he scooped her up, holding her out so she could hang the first ornament front and center._

_"Oh it's so pretty," she said, straightening her glasses._

_"Just a few more days. Merry Christmas Tegra."_

_"Merry Christmas daddy." _

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With a muted thump, Integra's face slipped from the seat of her hand, her forehead colliding squarely with the table.

"Oof," with a groan she quickly sat back up, looking around blearily and hoping no one had noticed her momentary lapse in dignity.

"A little far in our cups are we Miss Hellsing?" Maxwell drawled, leaning forward to give her that famed smirk. Integra smirked right back, wondering where the Police girl, who had been between them, had slipped off to.

"Not that far Enrico," she said his first name slowly, relishing the way his eyebrow twitched before she stood up.

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Seras ending #1: PxS

Pip cleared his throat, and straightened the bottom of his shirt before standing. He glanced around to make sure he hadn't drawn any undue attention to himself. The Iscariot members seemed to be occupied quite nicely, and Integra appeared to have dozed off right at the table. That was quite uncharacteristic of her, but he had put an awful lot of rum in the eggnog.

He pulled his shirt down again before nearly limping away from the table. He'd be damned if 'footsie' wasn't one of his weaknesses. As he walked past, on impulse he gently poked Integra on the back of her head before quickly slinking after Seras. He smiled as he heard a small 'thump' followed by a muffled 'oof' a scant few seconds later.

When he found Seras, she was desperately trying to stifle a fit of giggles behind her hands.

"Is something funny Police girl?" he asked with a chuckle of his own.

"Oh Pip," she said through a burble of laughter. "This has been such a crazy night."

His lips quivered before he laughed in agreement. Little did she know how he had contributed to the festivities. Speaking of which... The mercenary Captain leaned against the spot of wall to her right, quickly glancing around for another one of his 'surprises' that he had put nearly everywhere imaginable. With an inward curse he realized that this darkened corridor which housed mainly food stores and supplies had been one of the few places he hadn't expected to end up tonight. Damn, looked like he had wasted his money after all, unless...

"So, can I walk you back to your room?" he asked casual like. The very first piece of mistletoe he had hung was right outside her doorway.

"I suppose so," she said with a little sigh. She really didn't want the night to end, even if it had been quite the harrowing experience. For a few moments she didn't move, just soaking up the warmth of the man next to her.

"Shall we then?" he asked with a grin, again holding out his arm for her. She giggled before taking it, experiencing a profound case of déjà vu.

They walked in comfortable silence, and to Seras they seemed to reach her door all too fast.

"So then," he trailed off, pinning her with an intense look before seeming to get distracted by something. He glanced around, his eyes resting on the little bundle of mistletoe directly above their heads. "My, what have we here? A bit of holiday cheer. I wonder how this could have gotten there." he said in mock bewilderment.

Seras giggled and leaned forward to press a chaste kiss on the corner of his mouth. He gave her a lopsided grin, and leaned in to claim a better one. She smiled and pressed her finger to the tip of his nose, halting him just a scant inch from her face.

"That reminds me," he murmured, pulling back from her. "What time is it?"

"Hmm, well past midnight." It took a moment for her eyes to focus.

"Well then," he chuckled lowly, pulling a slender wrapped box out of his jacket pocket, "Merry Christmas."

Her eyes got wide as she took the box from him and enthusiastically ripped off the bright paper, Christmas always made her so giddy. She opened the long narrow velvet box with a muted snap, revealing its contents: a pair of shiny gold dog tags. She made a little 'oooh' sound as she lifted them up for closer inspection. They were engraved with her name and other personal details, but what really did it for her was the fact that one of them proclaimed her an 'Honorary member of the Wild Geese'. Her eyes prickled with tears as she put them on. They were beautiful no doubt, but it was the other gift this symbolized that took her breath away; he was giving her the one thing she craved most: acceptance.

"Oh Pip," she whispered, pulling him in for a hug that was tighter than most humans would have been comfortable with. She felt so silly; all she had gotten him was a stupid sweater. Making up her mind and acting before she could change it, she drew him in for a deep passion filled kiss. Pip froze in surprise for a moment, before placing his hand on the back of her head and kissing her deeper. Even if her lips were slightly chill, the air around them seemed to crackle with heat.

A few moments later she pulled away, face flushed and breathing fast. "Would you, like to come in?" she asked in a small shy voice, placing her hand on the door knob behind her.

"I think I'd like that," he whispered happily.

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Integra ending #1: The AxI ending

With a relieved sigh she slipped into her study, pleased to see a fire was already burning cheerily in the hearth. Gratefully she lowered herself in the old leather chair, savoring the blessed silence that was only interrupted by the muted pops of the burning logs nearby.

"Rather dull, wasn't it?" Alucard asked, slipping from the bookcase to her left.

"Too noisy for my taste," Integra murmured without opening her eyes. She heard the creaking of the matching chair next to her as he sat down. For a few moments they just sat in companionable silence.

"I was surprised there wasn't even a hint of violence tonight," he said on a sigh.

"And disappointed no doubt," she said evenly.

"Naturally. What is a Christmas without a little bloodshed," the ancient vampire said with a chuckle.

"Indeed," the corner of her mouth twitched slightly at the improbability of it all.

"It's after midnight and everything has gone well. Does that mean I get my present?" he said with a fangy smile.

One of Integra's eyes popped open as she remembered the earlier teasing comment she had made.

"Aside from blood and destruction, what do you want this year?" she asked, looking over at his firelight framed silhouette. What did one get the vampire that had everything?

"Ah, I've always considered the custom of gift giving at Yule time a peculiar thing. Why celebrate the birth of your supposed savior with the exchanging of material goods?" he mused aloud.

Integra sighed; this was actually something she had always wondered herself. Christmas had lost most of its meaning for her when she no longer had much of a family to spend it with.

"Does that mean you don't want anything?" she asked her eyes slipping back closed.

Several moments passed before she heard the rustling of cloth and the crinkling of old leather.

"Not all customs are terrible I find," Alucard murmured with a hint of amusement in his voice. Integra opened her eyes again, slowly focusing on the little bundle of dried plant matter he was twirling between his fingers. It had a little red ribbon, and he seemed to be studying it with a pensive expression on his face.

"Where on earth did you get that?" she grumbled, not at all sure she liked where this was going.

"The manor seemed to be veritably infested with the stuff," he chuckled, continuing to flip it over in his fingers. "As I understand it, it is tradition for two people who find themselves underneath this to share a kiss."

"I suppose so. But nothing says we must always strictly adhere to tradition," she said pursing her lips, watching the way the firelight flicking behind him shrouded his face in dancing shadows.

"Would you begrudge your humble servant a bit of holiday cheer?" he purred, slinking closer.

Integra sighed. She was pretty tired, and more than a little drunk, and most of all she didn't feel like debating right now.

"I suppose not," her lips quirked as she watched his approach.

He bent down on one knee, his tall form still looming slightly over her sitting one, and raised the mistletoe above their heads. Her eyes slid shut as he leaned in, pressing his lips chastely against hers. His lips slowly worked against hers, melting away her revolve with hundreds of years of experience.

Instinctively she found her hands slipping into his hair, as his cool tongue swept through her mouth. It was not an unpleasant sensation, somewhat like kissing someone who had recently eaten an ice-cream. He nipped at her bottom lip, careful not to break the skin as his gloved hand snaked over her chest. Integra fought the urge to pull him closer, and slowly broke the kiss.

"I don't believe the tradition includes groping," she said in a slightly husky voice that sounded strange to her. It took a moment for her eyes to focus on his grinning face.

"True. But as you said Master, we need not always adhere strictly to tradition," he whispered, he making no move to pull away, her making no move to push him.

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Phew. I liked that set up SO much; I might just go back and revisit it with a few other characters ending up together. I couldn't seem to help putting in the very tiny hints for other pairings, so I think it could be easily adapted. See if you guys can guess which pairings I'd do with this setting. Pairings next up on the list: Wouldn't you like to know (I'm thinking AxS and maybe ExI) Merry Christmas!


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